When your controlling behavior goes beyond your life and focuses on taking control of others’ actions, thinking, and their lives, these are signs that you’re a control freak personality. Even if you cannot feel it, people around you may find it difficult to connect with you. Keep reading for some early signs of a controlling personality, also some helpful tips on how to deal with it when it causes problems in your personal and professional life.
What causes someone to be a control freak?
There is so much going on in our ‘modern life’ that we can never easily escape.
However, there are times when you get so caught up in such things that you want to control everything around you, the way you desire.
This obviously creates problems because not everything is under our control.
Further, it’s better not to try to change someone’s perspective, or force them to do something which they’re not comfortable with.
Most of us believe that whatever we think is perfect and we are the best.
Such controlling behavior can cause problems in career, relationship, or even routine life, not just for the one with the disorder, but also for the other.
The most common reason that causes someone to be a control freak is varies based on person to person and situation to situation.
Here are some most common causes of controlling personality:
- A person strives to be a perfectionist,
- It’s sheer pressure that a person feels to control everything,
- Trying to look better in front of others,
- High desires and expectations from life,
- Need to become superior to the environment,
- Due to past failures or hurtful experiences,
- Self-doubts and self-pity at an extreme level,
- A person is raised by controlling parents.
Want to know if you’re the one who displays such controlling behavior? Here are some signs to look for and how they might be causing the issues in your life.
13 Signs You’re a Control Freak Personality
As a controlling person, you may not know how such behavior is damaging to your life and relationship.
But first knowing the warning signs of a controlling personality can help you to identify the loss of a positive mindset or loving relationship. Which further leads you to do something about it.
1. You think no one has to be better than you.
In your desire to control everything, you think you’ve learned everything. Due to your perfectionist approach, you feel like you’re better than most others.
You constantly judge others and correct them for no good reason.
By correcting them, you intend to show that you understand more, do more, and are worth more than anyone else.
With an aggressive opinion and biased judgment dominating your thinking about everything, you force someone to think, talk, behave, and live in the way you think is ‘perfect’.
When you think you’re perfect, forcing everyone has to be perfect, too and these are signs that you’re a control freak.
2. You want to intimidate others through control and dominance.
Do you enjoy it when someone feels afraid around you or feels inferior to you?
This approach shows you are bullying and trying to look superior to others. You never want to lose your control over others and the environment.
You better not say it ‘constructive criticism’ when your goal is to make them feel low rather than to actually support them.
From doing something to criticizing others, bullying them, or humiliating them publicly, and you expect to change them in the way you want.
A boss who assures that every employee in their company respects them or a friend who constantly reminds you that they have a great favor on you or a partner who constantly tells you that you’re lucky to have them, are signs of controlling behavior.
Check other: 8 Signs You’re Over-Planning Your Life
3. You’re isolated and alone due to your controlling behavior.
Inside, you always feel that someone is not perfect to be with you.
It doesn’t matter if it’s from experience or a recent one, you think someone has to be perfect enough to be with you.
Not only that you’re judging everyone but you also might want to control others.
Similarly, if you believe that you need to be the best to be with others, you also may want others to be perfect to match your level.
As you feel pressured within, you also put the same pressure on others, to control their behavior and the demands change in their life.
That fear of rejection is there, but there are also high standards that you seek from someone about to be your friend or a partner, which are signs that you’re a controlling personality that isolates you from others.
4. You have trouble working as part of a team.
Even if you think you can manage and control everything, you can’t.
The purpose of the team is to fulfill its responsibility, deliver the best work and achieve the common goals. However, if there is one control freak, it’s not that easy.
When you are that controlling boss or colleague who thinks he or she is the best at everything, you end up wasting a great deal of your energy and time.
On top of that, you seem to make simple things complicated.
Due to a lack of trust in others’ competence, you believe that they cannot do as well as you.
When you constantly micromanage your employees or colleagues, expect to get something done at a specific time or conditions that are signs that you’re a control freak in the office.
Check other: 13 Early Signs of a Dangerous Personality
5. You are good at manipulating other people’s thoughts.
Like most control freaks you want to get something done in a certain way and under specific conditions.
Although something may seem perfect to you, others may not find it so.
Then you find a way to persuade them or change their minds.
Rather than respecting their perspective, you find the mistakes within their thinking and remind them as if they’re up to a big loss.
You’re not trying to help them. But, you blamed them or make them feel guilty for not taking your suggestions.
As a partner or friend when you force someone to believe in what you say or do what you want them to either actively or passively, those are signs that you’re a controlling person for them.
6. You cannot forget anything or forgive anyone.
You want everything to fit your perception and everyone to follow your advice.
In the mind of a control freak, doing things their way is more important. And whenever anyone stands in the way of their plan or denies that they never easily forget that.
If you are a controlling partner or friend, you are still holding grudges.
Rather than forgiving your colleagues, partner, or friend, you keep reminding them of such mistakes over and over again.
By often reminding them of their limitations or failures you want them to feel ashamed for not following you, and these are signs that you’re a control freak personality.
Check other: 12 Signs Someone Looks Down On You
7. You are always trying to impress everyone.
Inside you’re under pressure, a pressure to please everyone.
The more you focus on impressing others rather than following your dreams and wants, the more likely you are to become disappointed and frustrated as a result.
True that you’ll never make everyone happy no matter how good you are.
Although you know you can’t change what everyone thinks of you, you keep trying to be everyone’s favorite, and these are signs that you are a control freak.
8. You have trust issues in a relationship.
While the reasons for trust issues remain in the past, you still let it control you.
You are unable to trust someone’s love and need something from them to prove it to you. When they do something you want, you tend to put pressure on them.
The way you act, it seems you don’t respect other people’s priorities or boundaries.
Overall, you’re a jealous partner and self-centered friend who make it hard for your person to be with you and connect with your desires.
Such are signs of controlling behavior which is mostly causing trouble in your relationship.
Check other: 13 Signs You Should Stay Away from Someone
9. You never believe you can be wrong and always blame others.
Such traits of control freaks show that they think everything they do is all perfect.
Whenever things don’t work out well for them, they try to prove that it was due to someone else. Rather than taking responsibility, they prefer to give excuses.
It can be you who believes there is always someone wrong and responsible, and not you.
Along with that, asking for help or saying ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ to others becomes difficult for you, those are signs you’re a control freak.
This is because you don’t want anyone to feel superior or to have power over you.
10. You are being a perfectionist and want everything under control.
Perfectionism and appearing perfect in the minds of others are nothing but pressure on yourself.
No matter how great something you do or already achieved, there’s always something missing as you perceive. This causes you to doubt your abilities.
Being too concerned with perfection makes you worry about unnecessary things.
When you want everything to be perfect, whether it’s for working on a project or choosing a partner, then you’re more likely to dominate situations.
All are signs of a control freak who believes they know better and can control everything.
11. You just want to win at any cost.
All that matters to you is your goals, desires, your position, and power alone.
You are in the game for all wins and can’t expect anything else than this.
No matter what the circumstances are, it is difficult for you to cope with a failure or mistakes.
Whether it’s an argument or anything else, you make sure you win.
When you feel someone is doing better than you or you appear to be the wrong one, you become too aggressive to win. Being left behind makes you feel intimidated.
Such signs of a controlling personality show that you do not value others’ abilities.
There is a fear that if you lose or make a mistake, or admit you don’t know something, it will hurt your image, and others will question your abilities, seeing you as not good enough.
12. Your partner, friend, or colleague tried to make you aware of your controlling behavior.
The people closest to you suffer the most when you’re controlling everything.
They see you as an entirely different person from who you were previously.
Because they know who you are, they can’t accept you as such a manipulating individual.
There are several factors and changes in life that might make you a control freak.
A family member, partner, or close friend comes to you and points out something about you. That means they are concerned about you.
Possibly your controlling nature as a boyfriend or girlfriend, as husband or wife, or even as a friend puts unnecessary stress on them and they’re giving you a final chance before cutting the connection with you.
Check other: 15 Signs Someone Is Not Ready For a Relationship
13. You don’t think you are a controlling person.
Even though your nearest people tried to inform you, you ignore it.
Rather than seeing things from their perspective, you tell them that whatever you are doing is solely for them.
You want to give them a good life, and do the best you can.
But, being controlling of everything, you end up dominating their life and thinking, too.
You might be a boss who worries about your business, a partner who thinks you have to be with them always, or a parent who wants to train their kids for the best.
However, your constant supervision and availability put pressure on them.
Although your intention is good from your perspective, your tendency to control others’ actions and thoughts are nothing but signs of controlling behavior.
How to deal with your controlling behavior?
After going to the above signs you have an idea that you’re a control freak personality. And there’s nothing to worry about if you are willing to change and know that this is causing the problem in your life.
Here are some ways to deal with your controlling behavior:
A. Find the cause of your controlling nature.
Whether you want to be perfect or have pressure to impress everyone or worry about the future? Whatever it is.
Find the cause of your controlling behavior.
And if next time you feel like doing something with the same perception, remind yourself of the trouble it created last time.
B. Take time to settle your thinking and feelings down.
Don’t just act or behave in a certain way, when your controlling personality demands something.
Take time to learn about the possibilities and logic behind the situation or person to whom you expect something.
This will help you to avoid doing anything irrational or controlling.
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C. Practise ‘To Be Positive’ from now onwards.
There’s nothing wrong if you don’t act now or if something isn’t perfect.
What your mind tells you through negative emotions and outcomes is just your overthinking.
Try to be positive and see it from a positive perspective from now on.
D. Learn to accept things and people as they are.
Nothing has to be under your control, that’s simply impossible, know that.
You cannot change someone’s opinion about you. You can’t expect everything to be like you want.
Release yourself from such pressure and accept things as they are rather than trying to change them.
Check other: 12 Signs You’re A Happy Person
E. Remind yourself that, controlling everything and everyone is impossible.
Agree that you want to make you and thus your people’s lives better, but it is impossible to keep everything under your control.
Sometimes it’s a great idea to let go of something which isn’t for you.
Start with some relaxing activities like meditation, routine exercise, occasional family trips, vacation, and all.
By doing so, you will be able to manage your controlling behavior and focus on the things that really matter to you.
After knowing signs that you’re a control freak, the one last thing you need to do is to start thinking logically and understand the possibilities, rather than following your anxiety of being perfect.